The Gettysburg Duckspeak

By ABELINCOLN, 16^th Supreme Leader of UniStat America

EIGHTYPLUSSEVEN ANTEYEARS AGO OUR ANTEPERSONS PLUSMADE ON THIS CONTINENT A NEW NATION CONCEIVED IN [CENSORED] AND DEDICATED TO THE PROPOSAL THAT ALL PERSONS ARE CREATED [CENSORED]•

NOW WE ARE ENGAGED IN A GREAT CIVIL WAR TESTING WHETHER THAT NATION OR ANY NATION SO CONCEIVED AND SO DEDICATED CAN EXISTLONG • WE ARE MET ON A GREAT WARPLACE OF THAT WAR • WE HAVE COME TO DEDICATE A PART OF THAT PROPERTY AS A FINAL RESTING PLACE FOR THOSE MARTYRS THAT THAT NATION MIGHT EXIST • IT IS ALTOGETHER GOODTHINK THAT WE SHOULD DO THIS • BUT IN A BIGTHINK WE CAN NOT DEDICATE~WE CAN NOT PLUSPLUSGOODTHINK~WE CAN NOT PLUSPLUSGOOD THIS GROUND • THE BRAVE MEN EXISTING AND UNEXISTING WHO STRUGGLED HERE HAVE PLUSPLUSGOODED IT FAR ABOVE OUR PROLEPOWER TO ADD OR SUBTRACT • THE WORLD WILL UNTHINK NOR LONG ONTHINK WHAT WE SAY HERE BUT IT CAN NEVER UNTHINK WHAT THEY HEREMADE • IT IS FOR US THE EXISTING RATHER TO BE DEDICATED HERE TO THE UNFINISHED WORK WHICH THEY WHO FOUGHT HERE HAVE FARSO PLUSGOODEST ADVANCED • IT IS RATHER FOR US TO BE HERE DEDICATED TO THE WORKBIG REMAINING BEFORE US~THAT FROM THESE PLUSPLUSGOOD UNEXISTING WE TAKE INCREASED DEVOTION TO THAT [CENSORED] FOR WHICH THEY GAVE THE FINAL ALLMOST  OF DEVOTION~THAT WE HERE DOUBLEPLUSTHINK THAT THESE UNEXISTING SHALL NOT HAVE UNEXISTED FOR NOTHING~THAT THIS NATION UNDER [CENSORED] SHALL HAVE A NEW BIRTH OF [CENSORED]~AND THAT GOVERNMENT OF THE PARTY BY THE PARTY FOR THE PARTY SHALL NOT UNEXIST FROM THE PLANET •

Being President of the United States of America means never having to say you're sorry:

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/18/opinion/the-drone-that-killed-my-grandson.html?_r=0