Then there wuz a time come t’ a determination
o’ the status of are compnee an’ comparin’ it t’ other folks an’ what they wuz
profiting, against the ex-spenses, which wuz gettin’ har an’ seemin’ t’ be a
real threat t’ us all. Now I mean no ill aginst my pardners— they wuz all quite
froogull mens an’ didn’t really pull no inordinit ex-spenses or nothin’ lak
that. But it were the comin’ o’ the hydrollickers an’ the water compnee was
a-gonna do us in, big times.
I reckoned, and Transom an’ MacDavish too, thet
ever day we wuz takin’ in from a half-ounce t’ four ounces o’ tailin’s as our
net group profit. But we reckoned it aginst the water compnee—see, we did have
there the river, thet was one thing. But when the compnees come all the way
down the river an’ insisted everone minin’, now had t’ pay inta the common flue
they wuz a bildin’ an’ all compnees an’ individjools had t’ spend about forty
dollers per munth jes’ t’ git three ares of sluice right, well, we begun t’ see
the writin’ on the wall.
That there forty dollers et wuz ekull t’ our
daily profits. Sure we still ended up at the end of a munth with about a couple
o’ hundered or so. But out o’ that we paid the water compnee forty t’ a hunnert
sixty, since Jamjob an’ Suthrun didn’t want t’ hear no nothin’ ‘bout what it
really cosseted an’ they wuz pullin’ more water from the flues “cuz they’re
thar! Thass why!”
We had so t’ say a seperation o’ the minds now.
Us Union men, we decided thet the days o’ the compnee was ackshully numbert
now.
I remembers the day the water compnee sent a
man round t’ fetch us all inta the scam. It were some shady lil feller, looked
t’ me like a Boston fer shore— had hisself a liddle hat on his head twicet as
big as might fit, thet hung down an’ made the shades fall over his eyes, like
you might not a warnted t’ see t’ begin with, but, nevertheless it wuz this
“Mr. Stockton” came round t’ us wal we wuz all hackin’ on boulders an’ settin’
things up fer a big sluice job. Everone
had his partition, an’ then Mr. Stockton was a pon us.
“So, I sees you is all a compnee are ye? Wal,
we gots a great invessmunt for ye! The Twollomee Water Compnee is offerin’ ever
minin’ compnee on ever tribbertary o’ the San Wockeen speshul rights t’ are new
sluices come offen are Great Flues! Thass rat, ever compnee on ever tribbertary
is a gonna have a claim, since ever tribbertary is a gonna have a flue fer
themselves. Why, we are already jes’ fifteen miles away from ye, down in
Butcher Pass, an’ building ever so fast, we expeck t’ be har in jes’ another
week! Now howabouts you boys take a notion t’ sign on, er git left out o’ the
biggest disterbution o’ fair water fer yer sluices as has ever bin?”
MacDavish, he would not bite, at first.
“I gots me this har river, an’ I gots this har
shuvil, an’ pistil, see, Mr. whatever-yer-name-is, an’ thar water ets free by
God an’ these bullets costid a nickel apiece. You warner arn one the hard way
er yewanna shove off right like civilized?”
“Now, now, please, Mr. MacDavish”—
“Howd you know mah name?”
“Well, see, I been to the county reckerds
office an’ looked ya all up. I knows all the major officers names o’ ever
compnee on the Consumniss!”
“You does, huh?”
MacDavish looked askance lak he seened this
sumwars before.
“Yes, I do, and I know thet yer parder Mr.
Necletto thar is ackshully a fugitive! The govamint of Italy wants him brought
back, did ya know this?”
“Even eff they did, Nicletto is a free
Murrican, an;’ that is cuz I sez so.”
MacDavish were gonna get this Stockton feller a
hard time eff he could.
“An’ I knows Mr. Jamjob over thar kilt a man in
Texas jes’ to see him die, too. You gots some tricky characters har, Mr.
MacDavish, I’ll be a-warnin’ ya...”
“We must hold a miner meeting and consider yer
flue an all the rest of it, afore we cast are bread on trubbled wafers, Mr.
Stock-tin.”
I wuz happy MacDavish did not jes’ enlist us
all rat away.
But we did hafta hold our miner’s meetin’, cuz
thar wuz no way all o’ us coulda seened it all the same ways. Nicletto,
ackshully, he wuz var scairt then people knew he wuz on the lam from his own
countree, but MacDavish put the keebosh on his fears.
“Nicletto, good sir, you are here in
Californee. We is a free republic an’ thar iz no extra-diction treaties wif the
govamint o’ Italy— no sar, not yit. So relax your mind good sir. Thet man was
a-countin’ on that scarin’ ye. I tell ye ye are fine so long as ye are friends
of mine! And I know yore a good man, an’ can cook a right something speshul
too, so ye is a good man.”
“Now to are bizness. Who har wants t’ jump hand
an’ foot inta this flue bizness?”
Suthrun raised his hands. He mebbe thought by
raisin them both it might count as two votes, but MacDavish wuz no dummy.
“Ez thet all I har? Jes’ Mr Suthrun?”
Jamjob an’ Transom meekly held up thars, too.
“Well now we gots a logjam. Three aginst three
ekulls ekull, an’ then so, thar ain’t no motion t’ accipt nor is thar a motion
to deny. The presedent then shall take et under advisement. All are welcome t’
submit to me yer reasons why you feels this way, an’ do so in writin’ so I kin
take it t’ the water compnee man and say “this ez why— we iz on the fence about
yer offer.”
That were not the half of the problem tho.
Immejitely, Suthrun brings up the fack thet the drollickers wuz comin’ down the
river too, jes’ like the flue wuz. Why the drollickers wuz offerin’ mens an’
thar compnees hunnders of dollers sight unseen fer claims some wuz worked t’
smoke an’ dust already!
“The drollickers, they pay good money,” Suthrun
says. “I wonders how we kin hold out et all ennymore or even eff we should. How
much we makin per soul heah anyways? We splittin two hunnert dollers six ways
ever month an’ ever one is makin about two hunnert a month as it is. Eff we
sells out to the drollickers we kin all make thet much an’ more! I say we do
it. Then we’ll each have for er five hunnert, en we kin go back t’ Frisco, er
back wherever, an’ we’ll have that.”
“Mr. Suthrun, your reasoning soundeth rather
specious to me. As president of this compnee, I do hear your concern. But are
we not better men for makin’ our two hunnert a month ourselves, rather than,
taking the easier money which will give us less, in the long run? The longer we
keep are company intact, the longer we’ll each of us have thet two hunnert t’
call are own. Eff we sells out then what? Et wuz all for nothin? I figgers each
of us, eff he saves each month a hunnert of thet two, then within a years we’ll
all have over a thousand, an’ then
maybe we kin think about sellin’ out to drollickers.”
“Wal, mebbe I don’t have the stamna ta last
another yar at this. Mebbe Is’e-a gittin’ tard.. Mebbe I’se gittin’ old an’
ain’t got no stomick fer none o’ this back-brakin’ nonsense no mores.”
“Mebbe you are, Mr Suthrun. But the rest of us,
consider! An’ if ye did sell out, an’ yer claim is smack en the middle o’ the
rest o’ us boys, how d’you think we feel er might ‘bout the Drollickers comin’
en t’ mine yer shar ovair the rest o’ us? What does that do t’ what we have?”
“ I dunno ‘bout that, Mister Davish. But all I
knows is, now I’se itchin’ t’ head home t’ Tennessee an’ about ready t’ call it
quits. In fact eff you warnts t’ buy
me outta here, I would go fer thet today.”
“Well, that’s another notion we’ll save fer our
next meetin. Let’s make that a week from now, OK? Give ye time to think about
it, and mull it over, and all. I respects yer opinion Mister Suthrun, but ye
know this is a democratic Arcadian Mining Compnee, an’ all decisions...”
“I know, I know, et rests a pon the group.
Lissen, I’ll jest tell ye, I’m tard o’ the work too. I’d ruther be settin’ in
Frisco in a easy char an’ seppin’ on a julep than be breakin stones lak I wuz a
nigger en a chain gang. Now I getcha, you might be willin t’ buy me out, an’ you
all gotsa think about thet. But speakin’ as me fer me, I’m gittin’ tard of cold
wet boots an’ a far ever night jes thinkin’ “someday I’se gonna be rich!”
I ain’t rich, an’ I ain’t smilin’ happy either. Thes ez a curset life, t’ be a
miner. I’ll tell all the boys back home “keep yer wimmen an’ yer sense an’
doncha go t’ Californee. Yer a fool!”
“Well, ye made something of a name fer yersef
while you wuz har, Mr Suthrun. As I said, we’ll tike up th’ mattair next
week...”
Thet about broke up the meetin’ sept that
Nicletto still looked like a man who’d caught a trace o’ the hangman out on the
breeze.
MacDavish looked at me an’ says rather crafty,
“Well Pat, I think it will come t’ a voot. Let’s call a compnee meetin’
ternght. Meet at my cabin. Everone must attend!”
“That sounds far, James.”
So it were that, once everone got their evening
grub, we all assembled en MacDavish’s cabin t’ talk about the futures en the
compnee. Suthrun an’ Jamjob war the first t’ speak up.
“We’re tard of sharing this patch of river with
peoples got no durn self respeck an’ thank darkies gots sartin rights. Let us set this all straight. We
wants to cash out are shars. Since Cakey gone back to Sandwiches, all o’ us
have a even pot—sixty-sixty. We warnt t’ take are one third o’ this har compnee
an’ do with et what’s we wish.”
Suthrun bothered with his beard, an’ jammed his
fingers in his spenders, right stubborn like.
“Ye cannot remove your stock withoot a voot
from th’ othair sharholders, Mester Suthrun. T’ do so we must hold plebskite.
Et’s a democracy, lad, an’ ye can’t partic’pate en a democracy with tyrant
idears. So we’ll chat another two minits er so on this, an’ then we will voot.
Any other comments f’m the sharholders?”
Jamjob takes his turn.
“Yes. My comment is, well, since it’s ben me
thet supplies y’all with my Fugitive Justice, I reckon thet y’all must pay me
in arrears fer all I have donated fer free so far. Yes, most of y’all paid me
on the barrel— I gots no problems with that. But now I want retro-active
benefits fer the Christmuss party las’ year, an’ Transom’s birfday, an’ the
Statehood party. Y’all concede thet a man’s got a right t’ the fruits of his
labor, right? Well, I’m plum tuckered out of bein’ mister hospitality. Y’all
pays me, er I leaves here with a big grudge.”
Nicletto spoke up.
“Mester Jamjob, I-a unnerstanna your complain.
But what about-a me, eh? It is-a I meks the spaghetti and-a meatball you eat
at-a Christmuss dinner! It is I who cook sage hens for-a everone for-a
Thanksgeeving, who catch-a the hares, who make-a the beeg supper fer the
State-ahood party! Me! Should I have-a nerva to asket everone musset pay me fer
alla these? Eh?”
“Whale you kin eff you has a mind to...” Jamjob
offered.
“But no! I shall not! Ees insult-a to asket
back fer what one givved in free! You know whatta you-a iz, Mester Jamjob?”
“Yes, I am a man not impressed with this
operation no longer.”
“You-a
izza an INJUN GIVER!”
That were purty much the doggone lowest thing
annyone coulda calt Jamjob, but he jes’ sat thar and took it.
Now MacDavish raised up his hand and puts a
cease to all of it.
“Now now—men, compnee, sharholders. We are
aware o’ we have reached most dangerous impasse. Shall we voot? All in favor of
granting t’ Messers Suthrun and Jamjob full recompense o’ their shars an’
absolving them from all future divedend an’ profit from this compnee, raise yer
hands.”
Was not a single one of us did not have his
hand in the are.
“I reckon then, this ez the unanimous decision.
Let it be known henceforth thet Suthrun an’ Jamjob are no longer members of
this partnership. Th’ Treasurer will read the accounts, an’ will disperse the
proceeds t’ the ex-partners accordingly, immejitly, startin’ now.”
Transom were our Treasurer. He solisittid the
account book from MacDavish’s bureau, an’ looked down the rows o’ entries fer
the last month.
“As of now, sharholders, the total liquid
proceeds of this compnee is Twenty Pounds Four Ounces. Let me do the long
division fer a moment. The ackshul figger of our compnee’s worth is Two Hunnert
Fifty Six ounces, or Five Thousand One Hunnert Eighty Four dollers. Divided by
six that is Fifty-Four ounces fer each man. Suthrun and Jamjob, do all agree to
the dispensation?” Transom shut the account book, and smiled.
Agin, were not a one of us but dint have a hand
in the are.
“Then let it be so. I shall make the
dispensation.”
MacDavish, bein the most prominent member, had
him a little safe where he keppit all the stray dust we pulled from the
end-sluice each day. As you jes’ heard, by now we had twenty pounds o’ it thar,
locked up, an’ now two o’ the party was takin’ off. I reckon weren’t none o’ us
others had any botheration ‘bout lettin’ these boys go. After all what is a
compnee eff not a organization o’ like mined individjools?
Transom collected the scales from MacDavish’s
bureau, an’ we set about t’ weighing out their shars. Each of them had his
alligator eye on it, makin’ sure they was not gone to git gypped. Warn’t no
digger ounces en Transom’s treasury, no how, regardless.
But weren’t no need fer their worry. We was not
about to gyp them, bein’ onnist men.
They took their little bags and filled them
full. What was left over, they poured inta their hats, an’ carefully held them
t’ their chests.
“Gentlemen, those fifty four ounces t’ aich o’
ye makes Eight Hunnert Sixty Four dollers Troy fer each o’ ye. I am shore ye
will find yer ways t’ git rids o’ et somehow, fer good irr evil.”
MacDavish bowed t’ them, an’ they bowed back,
an’ you could hear Jamjob complainin’ as they walked away, “I wished it haint
had come to that, Suthrun. You know it weren’t all so bad, workin’ with a
couple o’ em. I guess I mighta blowned it.”
“I reckon perhaps you done thet, Jamjob, but
less go back t’ the cabin an’ think what we’re a gonna do nex’.”
Then MacDavish called us t’ order agin an’ had
Transom announce what the new kitty was.
“Gennulmen, we now have One Hunnert Forty Eight
ounces held t’ are four names, and thet gives us Three Thousant Four Hunnert
an’ Fifty Six dollers Troy. I move we hold these funds en common until such as
happens any oth’r man o’ us decided he’s had ‘nuff of this har minin’ bizness.”
Everone agreed. The gold were put back inta the
safe, an’ Transom spun the big combo lock like a roolet wheel, an’ satisfied we
hed driven the outliers back on the road t’ the inn at Bethlehem, we all shared
a bottle of brandy, pulled from MacDavish’s pantry wall, an’ sipped from
gilt-edge shot glasses.
As fer Suthrun and Jamjob, we dint see neither
of them the next day. We did see ‘em on Sundy, they was carryin’ things over to
a mule-cart, an’ they said they wuz headed to Hangtown, an’ up thar, they was
shore t’ find whiter men an’ fairer pastures. I was not sad t’ say the lease t’
watch thet cusset mule drivin’ those two jackasses away.
So then it come down to a majer reorganizing of
the compnee. On account of it bein’ Sundy, we decidet to hold our
reorganizashun meetin on Mundy nat. Agin we meets et MacDavish’s cabin, an’ the
four of us passet around a little jar o’ leftover Fugitive Justice, just t’
warsh the bad taste outta our mouths.
MacDavish then he gits down t’ bizniss.
“Gennulmen an’ sharholters. We bein’ the
Arcadia Cosmopolitan Mining Compnee, are gathered now t’ reorganize this
compnee in the absence of orijnul foundin’ membars. Given thar wars six o’ us,
and aich men hae’ a ten foot long claim, the resulting twenty feet of lost
claim shall be divided four ways, eekully amongst us all. Do that nae be far,
gennulmen?”
Heads nodded, all wuz agree.
“Therefore, aich of us gits an additional five
feet added on to our claims, accordin’ to war ye ez on the scale o’ war they wuz. Whoever wuz in the middle, ye
gits two ana haffet feet added aich ways. Eff ye ez arn the ends, ye git that
added in whichever direction. Eff you...”
He stopped. Nicletto had his hand up.
“Does thissa division MacDavish mean-a thet now
we works another a-twenny five percenta more-a too?”
It was hard to tell from his curious expression
if Nicletto wanted to work more, er he dint, really. He might warna go either
way.
“I will git t’ that, Mester Necletto. Ye still
works jes as much as ye likes. We will take a voot now on who will do the
duties of the former Jamjob, who took the sluice ends in.”
“I wote it be for me, cause I ees on the end
now,” nodded Nicletto.
“Anyone feel enny differnt?” Mac Davish looked
about him.
Seein’ no dissent, he nodded and granted the
sluice end box ‘sposibilites to Nicletto.
“Now, we’s gonna haffa decide on how we
approaches the Water Compnee.”
Everone without a seption rolled thar eyes. The
Water Compnee! Weren’t none of us even thought o’ them for a coupla months
even. Now the Water Compnee was a-talkin’ ‘bout jackin’ up the rent an’ turnin’
down the water fer the sluice til it got paymints. But the Twolomee an’ Goose
Crick Water Monoplee were quick becomin’ the dogginest pest o’ all the miners,
even beyond the deleterious malarious skeeters. Now they hed everone up an’
down the river jumpin’, hoppin’, an’ a’skippin’ to their tune. It were not a
pleasant one, neither, as ever month the rents jacked up more.
“Each of us will now need to contribute more
parportionally t’ the bill, gennulmen, it is my regret to inform you. Thet
means we must all collectively chip in at, yes, agin, five percent more what we
war.”
“Thet’s Robbery!” yelled Transom.
“Et’s robbery alright, but et’s legal robbery, George.”
“Dang eff I wants t’ arrange fer my own
stickup! How much you talkin’?”
“Right now ets hat fift’en dollers per man. An’
et nigh now be eight’en.”
“I’ll pay,” I said. “Aint no percentage of
likeable, but durn eff I am gonna git runned off my claim eff I do not pay it.”
“They willa even charge us in winter, no?”
asked Nicletto.
“”Yes, Salpietro, they will even charge us in
winter. That’s stankin robbery t’ me, too, but eff we don’t want to lose the
claims, we gorts t’ pay the piper.”
“Seems to me like this piper can go ‘ hell with
the rats!” offered Transom. He were getting rather blitzed from his little jug.
“We can do what we like over winter. Pat, I
presume you still have your holes. Any luck with those?”
“Some. I gesset I can keep ya all bizzy with
pocket diggins eff ya ainta got some o’ yer own. That can keep us wall the
river’s still high. But when she drops agin’...”
“I know,” said MacDavish, holding up his hand
again. We knew it were time fer a new pointa order.
“Now gennulmen, we will have the payments of
the Water Rents. Each o’ ye, eighteen dollars, please.”
We all scratched and muttered and coughed and
rustled about en are dust-pouches, an’ the scale come out, and Transom, bein’
most aggrieved, weighed out his part first, an’ then took the rest o’ us by
turns— Me, Nicletto, and finally MacDavish. Everbody done ponied up alright.
When it was done, he took the princely sum an’
secreeted it en another pouch marked “Water Compnee” an’ set thet sack inside
the safe. It would be MacDavish drove it up t’ Hangtown on Toosdy.
And when they got back down from Hangtown they
had everone’s cash right pleasant t’ hand. Et were decidet thet the money
leftover fer the common kitty et would git all us a big feest, Californee
style. We decidet since Nicletto war the best cook o’ enny o’ us, he’d git the
major chores. Meanwhiles, everone wrote down the things most wanted t’ eat an’
maybe somebody could fetch it all in Sackaminnow— another long trip, but if et
were a really good feest we wz gonner have, thet meant we hed t’ do thangs
cirreck.
So everone rote down them thangs especial tasty
they looked fer an’ et made a big old list thet got delivered t’ Transom on the
cupple days before the plan. Et would be on a Sundy, that’s fer shore, cuz on
Sundy everone would be tard o’ minin’ an’ tard o’ washin’ an’ tard ‘f this an’
that, an’ all o’ everone t’ best be inna mood fer a feest ennyway.
An’ so it were thet finally thar came to the
conclushun a big showdown—et were gonna be us, the minders, aginst the water
compnee an’ the drollickers. Seems thet everone in the Gulch now had some
kinder steak in things. Folks like Ollerud an’ Teasewater dint, rilly, only
thet people keep on comin’ an’ buyin’ stuff from em. Maybe they seemed they had
loyalties to us miners, but rilly, eff et were someone with gold to plunk down,
dint matter it was a miner or a drollicker for them.
Things wuz differnt fer us miners tho’,
speshully the ones like me been har since near the start of this all. But now
the drollickers wuz buyin’ up our clems an’ washin’ out the riversides an
muddyin up what was all the everones river, all the way downstreams, an’ the
gold, well what thar wuz, they wuz not rilly gittin much more than we wuz, t’ a
sartin ecks tent, but they wuz gittin everone they could be quite peaked about
things. Eff they hed thar way the hole entire river wuz gunna be all thars t’
pillij.
An’ it was then, see, thet the drollickers all
decidet t’ git tagether an’ form up a battalion o’ mens t’ come an clean us up.
Alla us. In Judas Gulch. Cuz it were mens like MacDavish an’ Transome an’ me
wuz makin the most noise, see, an’ MacDavish war a desint organizer of mens an’
hed a way with words. I guess. And foks like Nicletto an’ the Messicans in
Hangtown an’ the Injuns up the Mokeylumnee was all fearin’ — here’s are way of
livin, n’ hars an end t’ it! We gonna take this? No sir!
There wuz a big minder’s meetin then were gonna
take place on the first Sundy en November, when most of the minders had all got
their gear offa the river, an’ folks wuz either headin’ to Frisco er Stockton
er Sackaminnow soon, er hunkerin’ down war they wuz, cuz when the winter rains
came they was gonna raise up the river an’ send everone inta their holes as it
wuz.
Minder’s meetin’ was a great success. MacDavish
got everone all rileyed up an’ poured drinks fer a lotta the boys over at
Olleruds when he were done. But then, dang, maybe about an hour inta that, here
come the batallion of drollickers, marchin’ down Main Street inta the town, all
their finesest war bonnets and helmits an’ weapons brandished quite boldlee,
an’ formed up in ranks, five men acrost, an’ seven er eight rows deep—
Forty-five of em prolly, an’ wuz thar thet many minders on hand at Ollarud’s
even? One of the boys, I fergit his name, sed he was riding away quick t’
Hangtown an’ comin back with sum Messicans t’ act as reinfarcemints. He lit out
out the backdoor, an’ we never seen him, nor any Messicans, after all, en the
thick of this, as et turned out anyway.
The drollickers called a halt outside
Ollerud’s, an’ ole Ollerud hisself went out thar on the street an’ askited whut
wuz the prollim?
The prollim, you see, sez the big fez up front,
iz thet the minders o’ the Consumniss is bein’ obstinate obbstackles t’
progress. The drollickers an’ water compnee both iz willin to pay us fair
shakes fer our clems. An’ eff we don’t like it, well, we wuz standin’ in the
way of God, evolushun, an’ the whole enterprize of ‘Murrican life! We wuz not
bein good Chrischuns nor wuz we bein’ desint ‘Murricans.
Seemed I never hears sech malarkey en muh life,
but, while this big shot wuz runnin’ his lips I could har the clickin’ o’ men’s
six-shooters in the bar, an’ unnerstood mens wuz gittin’ weapons ready fer a
real fight.
Cuz what were this drollicker batallion doin’
in the middle of our town ennyhoo if they wuz not har to start an’ pick a fight
cuz they wuz all so surely ready fer one?
I dunno who it wuz inside of Ollarud’s took it
fer the suggeschun, but it were an obvious no-brainer an’ lickety split, sure
‘nuff, within moments o’ the queschun bein asketid, there wuz boys takin up
positions inside the Pewter Eye, near the winders, jest inside the batwing
doors, an’ even a cupple o’ boys went upstairs inta Millie’s chambers so they
might git a shot down from up above. Word from them later wuz Millie herself
got a cupple o’ potshots off, down inta the drollickers, when the heat o’
battle wuz worse.
Thet left another good twenny mens er so, an’ I
guess then it wuz Transom led ‘em all out onta the street.
The Drolliker Batallion moved back as eff there
wuz a real force o’ oppuzishun in thar face. Well, thar wuz! Et were every
white man in Judas Gulch had a thing t’ do on the Consumniss, all out an’ ever
man reddy t’ kill if they had t’, t’ defend thar rats.
MacDavish spoke a little low t’ the bigshot
drollicker.
“So, you think we miners is en the way o’yer
progress? Then sar, please do tell us what yer progress really means. Does ‘t mean that us must all pull up what roots we
hae’ made, an’ walk away from the good airth that hae’ given us our sustinince
these sev’ral years? Does it mean that now, ye are our masters, an’ ye would be
o’so happy t’ keep us hair eff we only do our little pickin’ an’ shuvlin’,
whale ye warsh down the mountainsides an’ muddy th’ cricks fer ever’one has tae
live down river? Does it mean that nae, yer slag heaps an’ quicksilver pots
will supercede all our good onnist handiwork? Why, I heard last week of a
friend of mine, who went t’ yer compnees, ye might a knowed his name, Jamjob!”
There wuz a big roar from the miners, cuz
weren’t none of us dint remember Jamjob (er his Fugitive Justice). People wuz
wavin’ thar hets an’ yellin’:
“Jamjob!
Jamjob!”
“I haired Jamjob died f’m a merkery pot, he wuz
pizened by yer “magnificent teknolijee!” Merkery vapors sent him over the Styx!
What kinder future are we gain’ have, when thar ain’t no reggalatin’ an’ all
thar ez ez yer giant moniters eating off the land? We wuz happy an’ we was in
hairmony with what we had, we wuz — never mind some minders ain’t got no faith
en thar Mother Nature er nothin’ —but we sure gots more of thet than you
fellers! Ye wan’ have a scrap? We’ll give ye one!”
Thar wuz a big ruckus amongst all the minders
wut wuz buddies with Jamjob. Dead? Dead! An’ it were thet drollicker merkery what doned it? Why tarnation, ‘bout ever man
thar thunk himself a friend o’ Jamjob wuz gittin’ madder than adders, an’ I
heared a few pistils bein’ cocked.
Transom stepped up behinds MacDavish, an’ he’s
whistlin’ some fine old tune, an’ he starts t’ look all loopy at one er two of
them drollicker fellers an’ ya kin jes feel everbody’s tamperture goin’ on the
rise beyond the thermomitter. Et wuz about as silent as a skunk in a pigeon
coop, an’ twicet as nerviss.
An’ then— I don’t have no idear who et wuz, but
some feller in the bar let off a shot, an’ soon, thar wuz a real war happenin
on the Main Street. Miners wuz hettin’ drollickers with fists, shuvils, even
picks! It were bloody.Some of the drollickers hed thought t’ bring guns, an’
then thar wuz more gunfire, but et seemed nobody wuz rilly gittin shot, ‘cept
one o’ the fellers up the stairs in Milly’s bordello got hit in the arm with a
bulit, an’ had t’ have his arm scraped out with Red Eye an’ a pocket knife down
et the bar, later on, when the scrap were all done.
Inside Ollarud’s bar, a cuppla drollickers made
thar way in an’ wuz bustin’ stuff up. They took Ole’s great magniffisint nude
pitcher of a Yerapeein woman an’ smashed et aginst the glass bottles on the
back wall. That were enough t’ piss off Ole bad enuf he brought out his
bungbuster an’ smashed one o’ them’s hands with it. Musta broke some fingers, I
gess, cuz thet drollicker run off screamin’ inta the street.
Transom an’ MacDavish wuz punchin’ et out with
the biggest loudest drollicker meanwhiles, an’ I come over with a char an’
slugged him over the head, an’ thet drollicker fell down, he was kayoed. We
then proceedit t’ fight our way down the street, an’ dint stop till we had hit
the trail led back t’ our cabins, near the river. It were not easy t’ tell who
war winnin this fat, though, cuz seemed everone wuz en it, nobody wuz dyin’,
but everone hed some kinder wound regardless.
I spoze this would be the way white men has
fats. We ain’t the Chinese nor the Injuns, when we fite et’s kinder fair, an’ everone
gits to keep his har on, anyways. But all three of us when we gits t’ the
cabins, we locks ourselves en, sets up our rifles, an’ we waits. Nothin’
happent tho an’ we lissened wal the war on the street wound itself down. I went
t’ bed, ackshully but all o’ us went back down thar in the mornin t’ see who
wuz left. And then the man come back from Hangtown with his cussit
“reinfarcemints”— too little, too late. Well. I dint ask no questions how it
took so long t’ git jest forteen miles an’ took an all night trip, but I spoze
MacDavish askedit him thet.
So I gesset thar weren’t no sartin winner en
the big fat en town. Them drollickers got all smashed up an’ pulled a retreat,
but then thet musta bin the last o’ the good days, cuz soon after, any minder
hed made his stack already started pullin up steaks an’ headin back t’ Frisco.
Left mostly us Arcadia boys, some o’ the Chinee and Chillymen, an’ o’ coarse
wuz allus the Injuns, tryin’ ta take back what little they could o’ their own
territory. I had the idear too, I better git down t’ Stockton, cuz thar were a
sack a sugar I’d be needin’ now, an’ I had a sore hankerin fer some real fruit,
an’ I heared there were a lot o’ et still in the wearhouses thar.
The water compnee an’ the drollickers, they
lost the battle but seems thet they wonned the war. Cuz are compnee wuz not
long fer makin’ it on jes’ four mens. An’ we could not be the only ones left on
the river, no siree, not surrounded by all them other not-Mericans an’ them
flues and merkery sluices makin’ a purty durn mess outta the water an’ all. Wuz
a time thet the water still ran clear en the river, but ain’t no way I’d be
drinkin thet merkery water now, no sir! Eff I had t’ be a pocket minder an’ jes
make my life outta little pockets and pannin’ strate up, well, I knew I could
do it.
FISTFIGHT AT JUDAS GULCH IS NOW AVAILABLE AT SMASHWORDS.COM:
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/509992
